Author Bio

Christine W. Hartmann, Research Health Scientist, ENR Memorial Veterans Hospital, Bedford, Massachusetts, and Assistant Professor, Boston University, Boston, Massachusetts, received her PhD at the Bryn Mawr Graduate School of Social Work and Social Research. She has published numerous articles on healthcare quality improvement, focusing particularly on long-term care.

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Main Description

Christine Hartmann's mother valued control above all else, yet one event appeared beyond her command: the timing of her own death. Not to be denied there either, two decades in advance Irmgard Hartmann chose the date on which to end her life. And her next step was to tell her daughter all about it. For twenty years, Irmgard maintained an unwavering goal, to commit suicide at age seventy. She managed her chronic hypertension, stayed healthy and active, and lived life to the fullest. Meanwhile, Christine fought desperately against the decision. When Irmgard wouldn't listen, the only way to remain part of her life was for Christine to swallow her mother's plans--hook, line, and sinker.

Christine's father, as it turned out, prepared too slowly for old age. Before he had made any decision, fate disabled him through a series of strokes. Confined to a nursing home, severely impaired by dementia and frustrated by his circumstances, his life epitomized the predicament her mother wanted to avoid.

So Far Away gives us an intimate view of a person interacting with and reacting to her parents at the ends of their lives. In a richly detailed, poignant story of family members' separate yet interwoven journeys, it underscores the complexities and opportunities that life presents each one of us.

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Reviews

"Grief is an individual process and dependent on situations, personalities, and relationships, but Hartmann offers personal discoveries that feel universal. Many readers will find familiar themes and emotions. SO FAR AWAY is a gift for anyone struggling to come to terms with death or depression."
--ForeWord Reviews

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"Real and engaging while unique and provocative, So Far Away is an absorbing memoir with touching moments and challenging moral choices to consider."
--SeniorCare101

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"So Far Away is a powerful memoir of two very different end-of-life journeys that will speak to everyone who has been parented, and who has considered their personal wishes and hopes for their final years."
--Luxury Reading

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"Hartmann demonstrates considerable courage in sharing her story with the world and her book is a gift to families dealing with the daily challenges of caregiving for their elderly loved ones."
--Journal of Women and Aging

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"For me, part of the brilliance of So Far Away is that, wrapped up in the exquisitely well-described uniqueness of Hartmann's story about her parents and herself, are substantial insights about anticipatory grief, grief following a parent's death or decline, parent-child relationships at the end of life and after parents die, the links of personal grief to marital relationships, what can be accomplished by writing about parents and parent death, depression, and much more. And although the book is only about one family from one family member's perspective, it offers fascinating insights about families in many areas, including lies and secrets in families, family communication, and what might be called 'relationship traps.' Another part of the brilliance of the book is that the author tunes in so well on her own thoughts and feelings, that it becomes a stimulating book about the psychology of fear, guilt, anger, love, duty, neediness, independence, memory, and obliviousness."
--Paul C. Rosenblatt, University of Minnesota, author of four books on families and grief

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"An emotionally powerful memoir that beautifully captures the life-changing journeys of her parents' final years."
--Booth Gardner, former governor, State of Washington, and a leader in the Death with Dignity movement

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At a Glance

A tale of two very different end-of-life journeys and the daughter who survived them

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Extras

 

 

Visit the author's website

CHartmannBooks.com

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"My mother always wondered how she raised a daughter who liked to hug so much. She was never fond of long embraces with anyone over the age of four, while I could never get enough of them. When I lived as a young adult in a very conservative rural area where physical affection was traditionally avoided, I suffered severe withdrawal from lack of contact. I even took up martial arts as a hobby partially because it allowed me just to touch someone. At the time, periodic sprains and fractures seemed a small price to pay.

"In part, we become who we are to protect ourselves from the people we love who can hurt us. I learned that parents are role models who encourage or discourage, praise or scold, remain silent or yell, and children grow up to have their own unique quirks and personality traits. I know I didn't quite grow up the way my parents expected. But by their own admission, they didn't fulfill all their parents' expectations either. Neither did their parents...and so on.

"It just goes to show that not everything turns out as planned. At least, that has been a central theme in my adult life. Nothing prepared me for the radical but methodical approach my mother took toward her own aging. Or not aging, which was much more her point. I'm not talking about plastic surgery to lift her chin or the daily consumption of a bowl of oat bran. She intended to implement a more aggressive strategy for dealing with the uncertainty of growing old: premeditated suicide. And I rebelled against her in an extraordinary battle of wills.

"In contrast, my father always avoided setting a detailed agenda for his senior years. He lived in the moment, never looking too far ahead, and we both anticipated his easy and pleasant retirement. But a series of sudden, apocalyptic events derailed his dream and both of our lives."

--from the Introduction